WHERE'S THE HELP TO *ACTUALLY* GET THINGS DONE?! *crickets*

well, fredrick looked at my cpap and he played dumb and said he didn't wanna mess anything up. he said to have someone come to my place and fix it- but i'm not sure it's as easy as that. people are busy and i'm not sure of the clinic to call. i ended up getting the number from my care coordinator. i tried calling and they put me on hold forever- so i eventually just decided to let my ics help me call and schedule an appointment. IF they will, of course. it seems like EVERYTHING i wanna get done for myself- people always find a reason to refuse to help me. like i was told by my care coordinator and/or case manager that ics would assist me with getting my driver's license again. after taking numerous behind-the-wheel lessons, they make me so stagnant that i wouldn't be surprised if i lost the ability to drive because i DID have my driver's permit at one time and i actually drove numerous times- either driving lessons or in my ex's car. i see these people that live here, getting their licenses again with the help of ics. the main reason for that i think is probably because they have ADVOCACY to make sure people are actually doing their jobs. make up whatever excuse you want for that- but i KNOW that's more than likely the reason. people just feel like they don't have to do their jobs properly if the client doesn't have advocacy. half the jobs i've been applying to require a DRIVER'S LICENSE- i'm sure so the job is certain the employee will have a way to work without excuses. STACY CAN DEPEND ON SOCIAL SECURITY HER WHOLE LIFE!! LIKE MOTHER LIKE DAUGHTER! i'm almost positive that's also another reason why people assume they don't have to do their jobs to help me adequately. IF i was interested in depending on social security my whole life- DON'T YOU THINK I WOULDN'T HAVE GONE TO NUMEROUS COLLEGES AND WORKED JOBS AND I WOULD'VE JUST REMAINED IN A DAMN WHEELCHAIR, ATTENDING COURAGE KENNY MINDLESSLY?! doesn't concern my family. too much work to be empathetic (except joe is empathetic). families are SUPPOSED to help and assist their family members. IT'S JUST NOT CONVENIENT FOR THEM TO DO THAT THOUGH. THEY DON'T HAVE TIME TO ACTUALLY CARE- SO WHY THE HELL WOULD THEY SUPPORT ME SO I'M TRULY SUCCESSFUL, CONSTRUCTIVE, AND SATISFIED WITH MY LIFE?! I'M DONE WITH COURAGE KENNY AND I HATE EVERYONE WHO FIGURES I'M NOT CAPABLE OF DOING ANYTHING ELSE WITH MY LIFE- CONSIDERING I'VE ALREADY BEEN TO THAT SHITHOLE AND THEY DIDN'T HELP ME PROGRESS AND BE MORE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING. YOU'RE A FUCKING MORON IF YOU THINK I WANNA WASTE MORE OF MY DAMN TIME AT THAT SORRY EXCUSE OF A "REHABILITATION" INSTITUTE. THE ONLY REASON WHY I'M AMBULATORY NOW IS BECAUSE OF TRAM HOLLOWAY HOOKING ME UP TO HIS ARP MACHINES WHEN MY GRANDMA WAS STILL ALIVE- SHE FOUND HIM SINCE SHE SEEN COURAGE KENNY WASN'T HELPING ME. IF ANYTHING- I'D SAY COURAGE KENNY CAUSED ME PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE BY NEGLECTING ME AT THEIR OWN INTERESTS. MORE LIKE MENTAL INSTITUTE BECAUSE YOU GOTTA BE FUCKIN NUTS TO HAVE THE DESIRE TO WASTE YOUR TIME AT SUCH A POINTLESS FACILITY. DO YOU PEOPLE THINK I BOUGHT A VIDEO CAMERA, RENTED A WALKER AND TREKKING POLES AND TOOK VIDEOS OF ME WALKING AROUND AT COURAGE KENNY FOR FUN IN MY FREE TIME?! this is a form of psychological abuse- GASLIGHTING. AMANDA AND MY MOM DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT THOUGH BECAUSE IT'S JUST NOT CONVENIENT FOR THEM AND THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT ME! THEY CARE MORE ABOUT THEM LOOKING LIKE THEY CARE ABOUT ME! DID IT LOOK LIKE YOU CARED ABOUT ME WHILE YOU WERE HOLDING ME IN FRONT OF YOU WHILE MY DAD WAS KICKING YOU, MOM?! i've had not only numerous surgeries as a result of that shitty parenting, i've also had numerous reminiscing dreams. I WAS TRAUMATIZED- WHAT BETTER REACTION AND "SUPPORT" THAN IGNORING ME AND THE LAST SURGERY I HAD?! RIGHT AMANDA AND MOM?! NO CONCERN AT ALL.. THE ONLY PERSON WHO CHECKED ON ME IN THE HOSPITAL WAS JOE. DON'T SAY THAT YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT ME BEING IN THE HOSPITAL EITHER- I CALLED BOTH OF YOU (YOUR MOM, DEBBIE AND YOU) AND LEFT YOU BOTH VOICEMAILS ABOUT BEING IN THE HOSPITAL. YOU CAN TRY TO CLAIM WHENEVER YOU WANNA HELP ME- I'M NOT WILLING TO PARTICIPATE IN THE HELP BUT I'M NOT REGRESSING MY PROGRESSION IN REHABILITATION AND GOING BACK TO COURAGE KENNY WHERE THEY DIDN'T TRY TO HELP ME ANYWAY BECAUSE MY LACK OF ADVOCACY AND THEY FELT LIKE THEY COULD TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT AND SINCE I'M A STUPID VULNERABLE ADULT WITHOUT ADVOCACY- JUST MAKES THINGS EASIER FOR THEM! you guys are enabling this psychological abuse of gaslighting me.. I HOPE YOU'RE PROUD. and NO.. my mom has NEVER actually taken accountability for any of these surgeries. she's never even brought it up to me- not even during my last surgery on my bowel. she's never had to take accountability in her whole life because she's too fuckin stupid to. she's always had this attitude of entitlement where she doesn't think she has to do anything. people can say i'm mean or wtf they wanna say- but it doesn't mean a damn thing until you've experienced this personally in your own life. after you experience HALF the shit i've been through on account of her- YOU'D BE MORE PISSED OFF THAN I AM. I GUARANTEE THAT. she expects me to be an unemployed loser on social security who drinks pepsi after pepsi and smoke cigarettes, while talking to her dogs- JUST like HER. you like that? truth hurts. you're stupider than i thought if you keep reading my blog complaining about all the abuse you put me through. you should be ashamed.